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The Surviving Divorce Podcast is a place for you to find hope and healing during and after separation or divorce.
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Hello GD,
I’ve been listening to you podcast off and on for the past year. My wife asked for a divorce last year March 2015 and we finalized papers in August 2015 and our divorce was final in February 2016. I tried so hard to keep us together during that time and she didn’t want to and she wanted out. I went to the divorce care class here in Madison Wisconsin at my local church in September and wow did this help me get through a lot of stuff. I moved on I thought and started to get myself back together. I started dating a girl in January, yes a month before my divorce was final. Bad idea I know but it happened. I was happy but had this feeling the whole relationship its not me and my wife. That’s why I say I thought I was getting myself back together. Me and my ex have a child together so and we see each other at least 3 times a week. It’s been hard for me cause I never wanted to divorce and still don’t. I tried for months in 2016 after our divorce to give me a chance. Yes even when I was with this other women. After I started to be OK with the fact it wasn’t going to happen my ex start giving me some hints that maybe we can talk. She never told me what she was thinking but then started too. She started dating someone back in July 2015, yes we weren’t even close to a divorce. Now I think she is seeing it’s not greener on the other side, she misses me(she tells me this), and that what we had and all those little moments that had made us who we are and made her who she is. She went on 2 week trip with her new BF and told me before she left that she almost ask me to go with her instead. She sounded like she wasn’t excited to go with her new BF(well not new, almost a year when they went) and didn’t express a lot of excitement to go with him but more to take pictures cause she loves doing that. She also told me while she was on her trip that there has been lots of time apart between them, they explore differently, and there has been lots of time for reflection. When she returned we planned on talking when she picked up our daughter and she told me a lot more. That she doesn’t think she wants to be with this guy and they didn’t have a lot in common. He is great, sweet, and enjoys his company but there just isn’t that strong connection like we had. That she tried to bring up funny quotes that we joked about all the time and he had no idea what she was talking about. I said those are just small little things. She said “no” those are the things that created us that created her. We started dating at 15 and 17 years old. Our only real relationships we’ve ever been in. We met in HS, got married, had a kid, house the whole thing. 15 years later this is where we are at. She said when she got back if we do get back together that faith would be needed to be put at the front line. I agree and I have been using my faith and my relationship with God to better myself and to be a good Christian. I love my relationship with God and it’s funny we both found God after we separated. Long…Long story short I just ended things with my GF. She could see I wasn’t ready and I thought for along time it was to soon for me and we went from 0-100 like that. I just wasn’t ready. So over that conversation I had with my ex she told me that she thinks she knows what she wants, she wants to be far to everyone. I think that’s to try with me but not sure. She talks like this sometimes and goes cold other times and doesn’t reach out or respond back to me. I just told her about my break up and she is really sorry and hope it wasn’t about the conversation we had, it wasn’t 100% but had a small factor. I just wasn’t ready for all that. She wants to be fair to everyone involved and that she just needs to time to figure it all out. Now I know she said also that her and her new BF are kind of living at our old house, she’s not to excited about that. Just everything points that she wants out, and wants me, I think, and I know it’s only been a few days since our conversation, but its killing me. I didn’t want to tell you about my break up but thought she should know. Was I wrong.? I want to call and text her but the last time I did I said “I can’t stop thinking about us I don’t know about you” She said. Chill, Please? I’m thinking about us too. But I’m not anywhere yet OK? What does that mean? I need to wait and give her space especially right now but it’s so hard. With me and my GF just breaking up my emotions are all over. I want to go to her and say let’s do this, im ready, but she is not so I can’t yet. I want to talk to her all the time but can’t and shouldn’t and let her figure out what she needs too. II think all the thing I’m hearing are good positive signs we might get back together. Then I asked her during our conversation what do you want me to do. She said just be happy and we’ll see. I know she wants to try maybe, and I know I could mess it all up if I’m not careful. It’s so hard to let it play out and see what happens after everything that has happened. I just have to trust, and see and that’s all I can do right? Any advice or information would be great.